Torah's Teachings on Anger and Self-Mastery

ט֤וֹב אֶ֣רֶךְ אַ֭פַּיִם מִגִּבּ֑וֹר וּמֹשֵׁ֥ל בְּ֝רוּח֗וֹ מִלֹּכֵ֥ד עִֽיר׃

Better to be forbearing than mighty, To have self-control than to conquer a city.

קְֽצַר־אַ֭פַּיִם יַעֲשֶׂ֣ה אִוֶּ֑לֶת וְאִ֥ישׁ מְ֝זִמּ֗וֹת יִשָּׂנֵֽא׃

A hothead commits folly; A man of intrigues will be hated.

הֶ֣רֶף מֵ֭אַף וַעֲזֹ֣ב חֵמָ֑ה אַל־תִּ֝תְחַ֗ר אַךְ־לְהָרֵֽעַ׃

ה Give up anger, abandon fury, do not be vexed; it can only do harm.

אָמַר רַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָנִי אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹנָתָן: כׇּל הַכּוֹעֵס כׇּל מִינֵי גֵיהִנָּם שׁוֹלְטִין בּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וְהָסֵר כַּעַס מִלִּבֶּךָ וְהַעֲבֵר רָעָה מִבְּשָׂרֶךָ״, וְאֵין ״רָעָה״ אֶלָּא גֵּיהִנָּם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כֹּל פָּעַל ה׳ לַמַּעֲנֵהוּ וְגַם רָשָׁע לְיוֹם רָעָה״. וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָּא שֶׁהַתַּחְתּוֹנִיּוֹת שׁוֹלְטוֹת בּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וְנָתַן ה׳ לְךָ שָׁם לֵב רַגָּז וְכִלְיוֹן עֵינַיִם וְדַאֲבוֹן נָפֶשׁ״, אֵיזֶהוּ דָּבָר שֶׁמְּכַלֶּה אֶת הָעֵינַיִם וּמַדְאִיב אֶת הַנֶּפֶשׁ — הֱוֵי אוֹמֵר: אֵלּוּ הַתַּחְתּוֹנִיּוֹת.

§ Apropos the verse “There the wicked cease from troubling,” the Gemara cites a related statement: Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani said that Rabbi Yonatan said: Anyone who gets angry, all kinds of Gehenna rule over him, because anger causes him to transgress all kinds of severe sins, as it is stated: “Therefore remove vexation from your heart and put away evil from your flesh” (Ecclesiastes 11:10), and the evil mentioned is nothing other than Gehenna, as it is stated: “The Lord has made everything for His own purpose and even the wicked for the day of evil” (Proverbs 16:4), which is interpreted to mean that ultimately the day of the evildoer in Gehenna will arrive. And not only that, but also hemorrhoids will control him, as it is stated: “But the Lord shall give you there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and languishing of soul” (Deuteronomy 28:65). Which is the matter of sickness that causes failing of the eyes in pain and causes languishing of the soul? You must say this is referring to hemorrhoids.

רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, יְהִי כְבוֹד חֲבֵרְךָ חָבִיב עָלֶיךָ כְּשֶׁלָּךְ, וְאַל תְּהִי נוֹחַ לִכְעֹס.

They [each] said three things: Rabbi Eliezer said: Let the honor of your friend be as dear to you as your own; And be not easily provoked to anger; And repent one day before your death.

אֲמַר לֵיהּ אֵלִיָּהוּ לְרַב יְהוּדָה אֲחוּהּ דְּרַב סַלָּא חֲסִידָא: לָא תִּרְתַּח וְלָא תִּחְטֵי. לָא תִּרְוֵי וְלָא תִּחְטֵי. וּכְשֶׁאַתָּה יוֹצֵא לַדֶּרֶךְ, הִמָּלֵךְ בְּקוֹנְךָ וָצֵא. מַאי הִמָּלֵךְ בְּקוֹנְךָ וָצֵא? אָמַר רַבִּי יַעֲקֹב אָמַר רַב חִסְדָּא: זוֹ תְּפִלַּת הַדֶּרֶךְ. וְאָמַר רַבִּי יַעֲקֹב אָמַר רַב חִסְדָּא: כׇּל הַיּוֹצֵא לַדֶּרֶךְ צָרִיךְ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל תְּפִלַּת הַדֶּרֶךְ.

On the topic of prayers recited while traveling and in times of danger, the Gemara discusses the traveler’s prayer. When he appeared to him, Elijah the Prophet said to Rav Yehuda brother of Rav Sala Ḥasida: Do not get angry and you will not sin. Do not get drunk and you will not sin. And when you set out on a journey, consult with your Creator, and then set out. The Gemara asks: What is the meaning of: Consult with your Creator, and then set out? Rabbi Ya’akov said that Rav Ḥisda said: That is the traveler’s prayer. And Rabbi Ya’akov said that Rav Ḥisda said: It is not only good advice, but established halakha that anyone who sets out on a journey must recite the traveler’s prayer prior to embarking on his journey.

וְכֵן הַכַּעַס מִדָּה רָעָה הִיא עַד לִמְאֹד וְרָאוּי לָאָדָם שֶׁיִּתְרַחֵק מִמֶּנָּה עַד הַקָּצֶה הָאַחֵר. וִילַמֵּד עַצְמוֹ שֶׁלֹּא יִכְעֹס וַאֲפִלּוּ עַל דָּבָר שֶׁרָאוּי לִכְעֹס עָלָיו. וְאִם רָצָה לְהַטִּיל אֵימָה עַל בָּנָיו וּבְנֵי בֵּיתוֹ אוֹ עַל הַצִּבּוּר אִם הָיָה פַּרְנָס וְרָצָה לִכְעֹס עֲלֵיהֶן כְּדֵי שֶׁיַּחְזְרוּ לַמּוּטָב יַרְאֶה עַצְמוֹ בִּפְנֵיהֶם שֶׁהוּא כּוֹעֵס כְּדֵי לְיַסְּרָם וְתִהְיֶה דַּעְתּוֹ מְיֻשֶּׁבֶת בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין עַצְמוֹ כְּאָדָם שֶׁהוּא מְדַמֶּה כּוֹעֵס בִּשְׁעַת כַּעֲסוֹ וְהוּא אֵינוֹ כּוֹעֵס. אָמְרוּ חֲכָמִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים כָּל הַכּוֹעֵס כְּאִלּוּ עוֹבֵד עֲבוֹדַת כּוֹכָבִים.

He should school himself not to become angry even when it is fitting to be angry. If he should wish to arouse fear in his children and household - or within the community, if he is a communal leader - and wishes to be angry at them to motivate them to return to the proper path, he should present an angry front to them to punish them, but he should be inwardly calm. He should be like one who acts out the part of an angry man in his wrath, but is not himself angry. The early Sages said: Anyone who becomes angry is like one who worships idols.