Weddings in Jerusalem: Joy and Remembrance

כֹּ֣ה ׀ אָמַ֣ר יְהֹוָ֗ה עוֹד֮ יִשָּׁמַ֣ע בַּמָּקוֹם־הַזֶּה֒ אֲשֶׁר֙ אַתֶּ֣ם אֹֽמְרִ֔ים חָרֵ֣ב ה֔וּא מֵאֵ֥ין אָדָ֖ם וּמֵאֵ֣ין בְּהֵמָ֑ה בְּעָרֵ֤י יְהוּדָה֙ וּבְחֻצ֣וֹת יְרוּשָׁלַ֔͏ִם הַֽנְשַׁמּ֗וֹת מֵאֵ֥ין אָדָ֛ם וּמֵאֵ֥ין יוֹשֵׁ֖ב וּמֵאֵ֥ין בְּהֵמָֽה׃ ק֣וֹל שָׂשׂ֞וֹן וְק֣וֹל שִׂמְחָ֗ה ק֣וֹל חָתָן֮ וְק֣וֹל כַּלָּה֒ ק֣וֹל אֹמְרִ֡ים הוֹדוּ֩ אֶת־יְהֹוָ֨ה צְבָא֜וֹת כִּי־ט֤וֹב יְהֹוָה֙ כִּֽי־לְעוֹלָ֣ם חַסְדּ֔וֹ מְבִאִ֥ים תּוֹדָ֖ה בֵּ֣ית יְהֹוָ֑ה כִּֽי־אָשִׁ֧יב אֶת־שְׁבוּת־הָאָ֛רֶץ כְּבָרִאשֹׁנָ֖ה אָמַ֥ר יְהֹוָֽה׃ {ס}

Thus said GOD: Again there shall be heard in this place, which you say is ruined, without humans or animals—in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem that are desolate, without humans, without inhabitants, without animals— the sound of mirth and gladness, the voice of bridegroom and bride, the voice of those who cry, “Give thanks to GOD of Hosts, for GOD—whose steadfast love is eternal—is good!” as they bring thanksgiving offerings to the House of GOD. For I will restore the fortunes of the land as of old—said GOD.

צְאֶ֧נָה ׀ וּֽרְאֶ֛ינָה בְּנ֥וֹת צִיּ֖וֹן בַּמֶּ֣לֶךְ שְׁלֹמֹ֑ה בָּעֲטָרָ֗ה שֶׁעִטְּרָה־לּ֤וֹ אִמּוֹ֙ בְּי֣וֹם חֲתֻנָּת֔וֹ וּבְי֖וֹם שִׂמְחַ֥ת לִבּֽוֹ׃ {ס}

O maidens of Zion, go forth And gaze upon King Solomon Wearing the crown that his mother Gave him on his wedding day, On his day of bliss.

כִּֽי־יִבְעַ֤ל בָּחוּר֙ בְּתוּלָ֔ה יִבְעָל֖וּךְ בָּנָ֑יִךְ וּמְשׂ֤וֹשׂ חָתָן֙ עַל־כַּלָּ֔ה יָשִׂ֥ישׂ עָלַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹהָֽיִךְ׃

As a youth espouses a maiden, Your sons shall espouse you; And as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, So will your God rejoice over you.

אִֽם־אֶשְׁכָּחֵ֥ךְ יְֽרוּשָׁלָ֗͏ִם תִּשְׁכַּ֥ח יְמִינִֽי׃ תִּדְבַּֽק־לְשׁוֹנִ֨י ׀ לְחִכִּי֮ אִם־לֹ֢א אֶ֫זְכְּרֵ֥כִי אִם־לֹ֣א אַ֭עֲלֶה אֶת־יְרוּשָׁלַ֑͏ִם עַ֝֗ל רֹ֣אשׁ שִׂמְחָתִֽי׃

If I forget you, O Jerusalem, let my right hand wither; let my tongue stick to my palate if I cease to think of you, if I do not keep Jerusalem in memory even at my happiest hour.

רַב אָשֵׁי עֲבַד הִילּוּלָא לִבְרֵיהּ, חֲזַנְהוּ לְרַבָּנַן דַּהֲווֹ קָא בָדְחִי טוּבָא. אַיְּיתִי כָּסָא דְּזוּגִּיתָא חִיוָּרְתָּא, וְתַבַּר קַמַּיְהוּ, וְאִעֲצִיבוּ. אֲמַרוּ לֵיהּ רַבָּנַן לְרַב הַמְנוּנָא זוּטֵי בְּהִלּוּלָא דְּמָר בְּרֵיהּ דְּרָבִינָא: לִישְׁרֵי לַן מָר. אֲמַר לְהוּ: וַי לַן, דְּמִיתְנַן. וַי לַן, דְּמִיתְנַן. אָמְרִי לֵיהּ: אֲנַן מָה נַעֲנֵי בָּתְרָךְ? אֲמַר לְהוּ: הֵי תּוֹרָה, וְהֵי מִצְוָה דְּמַגְּנוּ עֲלַן.

The Gemara also relates: Rav Ashi made a wedding feast for his son and he saw the Sages, who were excessively joyous. He brought a cup of extremely valuable white glass and broke it before them, and they became sad. Similarly, the Gemara relates: The Sages said to Rav Hamnuna Zuti at the wedding feast of Mar, son of Ravina: Let the Master sing for us. Since he believed that the merriment had become excessive, he said to them, singing: Woe unto us, for we shall die, woe unto us, for we shall die. They said to him: What shall we respond after you? What is the chorus of the song? He said to them, you should respond: Where is Torah and where is mitzva that protect us?

אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים, שֶׁבָּהֶן בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת בִּכְלֵי לָבָן שְׁאוּלִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ. כָּל הַכֵּלִים טְעוּנִין טְבִילָה. וּבְנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת וְחוֹלוֹת בַּכְּרָמִים.

Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as the fifteenth of Av and as Yom Kippur, as on them the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white clothes, which each woman borrowed from another. Why were they borrowed? They did this so as not to embarrass one who did not have her own white garments.

הגה ויש מקומות שנהגו לשבר כוס בשעת חופה או לשום מפה שחורה או שאר דברי אבלות בראש החתן (כל בו) . וכל אלו הדברים כדי לזכור את ירושלים שנא' אם אשכחך ירושלים וגו' אם לא אעלה את ירושלים על ראש שמחתי:

And when the groom marries a woman, take ashes from burnt food and place them on his head, in the place where the Tefilin rest. Gloss: There are places where they are accustomed to breaking a cup during the wedding ceremony, or placing a black cloth or other such items of mourning on the head of the groom. And all these things are in order to remember Jerusalem, as it is said, "If I forget you, Jerusalem...if I do not raise up Jerusalem over the height [head] of my joyfulness..." [Psalm 137:5-6]