Shame for Transgression and Spiritual Repair

וְאָמַר רַבָּה בַּר חִינָּנָא סָבָא מִשְּׁמֵיהּ דְּרַב: כָּל הָעוֹשֶׂה דְּבַר עֲבֵירָה וּמִתְבַּיֵּישׁ בּוֹ — מוֹחֲלִין לוֹ עַל כָּל עֲוֹנוֹתָיו. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״לְמַעַן תִּזְכְּרִי וָבֹשְׁתְּ וְלֹא יִהְיֶה לָּךְ עוֹד פִּתְחוֹן פֶּה מִפְּנֵי כְּלִמָּתֵךְ בְּכַפְּרִי לָךְ לְכָל אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂית נְאֻם ה׳ אֱלֹהִים״. דִּילְמָא צִבּוּר שָׁאנֵי. אֶלָּא מֵהָכָא: ״וַיֹּאמֶר שְׁמוּאֵל אֶל שָׁאוּל לָמָּה הִרְגַּזְתַּנִי לְהַעֲלוֹת אֹתִי וַיֹּאמֶר שָׁאוּל צַר לִי מְאֹד וּפְלִשְׁתִּים נִלְחָמִים בִּי וַה׳ סָר מֵעָלַי וְלֹא עָנָנִי עוֹד גַּם בְּיַד הַנְּבִיאִים גַּם בַּחֲלֹמוֹת וָאֶקְרָאֶה לְךָ לְהוֹדִיעֵנִי מָה אֶעֱשֶׂה״. וְאִילּוּ ״אוּרִים וְתֻמִּים״ לָא קָאָמַר. מִשּׁוּם דְּקַטְלֵיהּ לְנוֹב עִיר הַכֹּהֲנִים. וּמִנַּיִן דְּאַחִילוּ לֵיהּ מִן שְׁמַיָּא — שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וַיֹּאמֶר שְׁמוּאֵל אֶל שָׁאוּל (מָחָר) [וּמָחָר] אַתָּה וּבָנֶיךָ עִמִּי״, וְאָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן ״עִמִּי״ — בִּמְחִיצָתִי.

And Rabba bar Ḥinnana Sava said in the name of Rav: One who commits an act of transgression and is ashamed of it, all of his transgressions are forgiven. Shame is a sign that one truly despises his transgressions and that shame has the power to atone for his actions (Rabbi Yoshiyahu Pinto), as it is stated: “In order that you remember, and be embarrassed, and never open your mouth anymore, because of your shame, when I have forgiven you for all that you have done, said the Lord, God” (Ezekiel 16:63). However this proof is rejected: Perhaps a community is different, as a community is forgiven more easily than an individual. Rather, proof that an individual ashamed of his actions is forgiven for his transgressions is cited from here, when King Saul consulted Samuel by means of a necromancer before his final war with the Philistines: “And Samuel said to Saul, why have you angered me to bring me up? And Saul said, I am very pained, and the Philistines are waging war against me, and God has removed Himself from me and answers me no more, neither by the hands of the prophets nor by dreams. And I call to you to tell me what to do” (I Samuel 28:15). Saul says that he consulted prophets and dreams, but he did not say that he consulted the Urim VeTummim. The reason for this is because he killed all the residents of Nov, the city of priests, and because of this transgression Saul was ashamed to consult the Urim VeTummim, which was accomplished by means of a priest. The Gemara concludes: And from where is it derived that Saul was pardoned by God in the heavens for his transgressions? As it is stated: “And Samuel said to Saul: Tomorrow you and your sons will be with me” (I Samuel 28:19). And Rabbi Yoḥanan said: With me does not only mean that they will die, but also means, in a statement that contains an aspect of consolation, that they will be in my company among the righteous in heaven, as Saul was pardoned for his transgressions.

אִינִי? וְהָאָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן: לָמַדְנוּ יִרְאַת חֵטְא מִבְּתוּלָה, וְקִיבּוּל שָׂכָר מֵאַלְמָנָה. יִרְאַת חֵטְא מִבְּתוּלָה — דְּרַבִּי יוֹחָנָן שַׁמְעַהּ לְהַהִיא בְּתוּלָה דְּנָפְלָה אַאַפַּהּ וְקָאָמְרָה: רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, בָּרָאתָ גַּן עֵדֶן וּבָרָאתָ גֵּיהִנָּם, בָּרָאתָ צַדִּיקִים וּבָרָאתָ רְשָׁעִים. יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ שֶׁלֹּא יִכָּשְׁלוּ בִּי בְּנֵי אָדָם.

The Gemara asks: Is that so? But didn’t Rabbi Yoḥanan say: We learned the meaning of fear of sin from a maiden, and the significance of receiving divine reward from a widow. The meaning of fear of sin can be learned from a maiden, as Rabbi Yoḥanan heard a certain maiden who fell on her face in prayer, and she was saying: Master of the Universe, You created the Garden of Eden and You created Gehenna, You created the righteous and You created the wicked. May it be Your will that men shall not stumble because of me and consequently go to Gehenna.

תַּנְיָא, הָיָה רַבִּי מֵאִיר אוֹמֵר: אָדָם עוֹבֵר עֲבֵירָה בַּסֵּתֶר וְהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא מַכְרִיז עָלָיו בְּגָלוּי, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וְעָבַר עָלָיו רוּחַ קִנְאָה״, וְאֵין עֲבֵירָה אֶלָּא לְשׁוֹן הַכְרָזָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״וַיְצַו מֹשֶׁה וַיַּעֲבִירוּ קוֹל בַּמַּחֲנֶה״. רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ אָמַר: אֵין אָדָם עוֹבֵר עֲבֵירָה אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן נִכְנַס בּוֹ רוּחַ שְׁטוּת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״אִישׁ אִישׁ כִּי תִשְׂטֶה אִשְׁתּוֹ״, ״תִּשְׁטֶה״ כְּתִיב.

It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Meir would say: A person commits a transgression in private and the Holy One, Blessed be He, proclaims about him openly, i.e., in public, that he transgressed, as it is stated concerning a sota, who transgressed in private: “The spirit of jealousy came [avar] upon him” (Numbers 5:14); and the term avira means nothing other than a term of proclamation, as it is stated: “And Moses gave the commandment, and they caused it to be proclaimed [vaya’aviru] throughout the camp” (Exodus 36:6). Reish Lakish says: A man commits a transgression only if a spirit of folly [shetut] enters him, as it is stated: “If any man’s wife goes aside [tisteh]” (Numbers 5:12). The word tisteh is written with the Hebrew letter shin, affording an alternative reading of tishteh, which is related to the term for folly, the word shetut.

כׇּל שֶׁלֹּא חָס עַל כְּבוֹד קוֹנוֹ, רָתוּי לוֹ שֶׁלֹּא בָּא לְעוֹלָם. מַאי הִיא? רַבִּי אַבָּא אָמַר: זֶה הַמִּסְתַּכֵּל בַּקֶּשֶׁת. רַב יוֹסֵף אָמַר: זֶה הָעוֹבֵר עֲבֵירָה בַּסֵּתֶר. מִסְתַּכֵּל בַּקֶּשֶׁת, דִּכְתִיב: ״כְּמַרְאֵה הַקֶּשֶׁת אֲשֶׁר יִהְיֶה בֶעָנָן בְּיוֹם הַגֶּשֶׁם כֵּן מַרְאֵה הַנֹּגַהּ סָבִיב הוּא מַרְאֵה דְּמוּת כְּבוֹד ה׳״. רַב יוֹסֵף אָמַר: זֶה הָעוֹבֵר עֲבֵירָה בַּסֵּתֶר, כִּדְרַבִּי יִצְחָק. דְּאָמַר רַבִּי יִצְחָק: כׇּל הָעוֹבֵר עֲבֵירָה בַּסֵּתֶר, כְּאִילּוּ דּוֹחֵק רַגְלֵי שְׁכִינָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״כֹּה אָמַר ה׳ הַשָּׁמַיִם כִּסְאִי וְהָאָרֶץ הֲדוֹם רַגְלָי״. אִינִי?! וְהָאָמַר רַבִּי אִלְעָא הַזָּקֵן: אִם רוֹאֶה אָדָם שֶׁיִּצְרוֹ מִתְגַּבֵּר עָלָיו — יֵלֵךְ לְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין מַכִּירִין אוֹתוֹ, וְיִלְבַּשׁ שְׁחוֹרִין וְיִתְעַטֵּף שְׁחוֹרִין, וְיַעֲשֶׂה מַה שֶּׁלִּבּוֹ חָפֵץ, וְאַל יְחַלֵּל שֵׁם שָׁמַיִם בְּפַרְהֶסְיָא! לָא קַשְׁיָא: הָא — דְּמָצֵי כָּיֵיף לֵיהּ לְיִצְרֵיהּ, הָא — דְּלָא מָצֵי כָּיֵיף לְיִצְרֵיהּ.

It is taught in the mishna: Whoever has no concern for the honor of his Maker deserves to have never come to the world. The Gemara asks: What is lack of concern for the honor of one’s Maker? Rabbi Abba said: This is one who looks at a rainbow. Rav Yosef said: This is one who commits a transgression in private. They proceed to clarify their opinions: Looking at a rainbow constitutes an act of disrespect toward the Divine Presence, as it is written: “As the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud in the day of rain so was the appearance of the brightness round about. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord” (Ezekiel 1:28), and it is a dishonor to God to stare at His likeness. Rav Yosef said: This is one who commits a transgression in private, in accordance with Rabbi Yitzḥak, as Rabbi Yitzḥak said: Whoever commits a transgression in private, it is as though he pushed away the feet of the Divine Presence, as it is stated: “Thus said the Lord: The heavens are My seat, and the earth My footstool” (Isaiah 66:1). If one believes that no one can see what he is doing in private, it is as though he said that God is absent from that place. He is therefore compared to one who attempts to remove God from His footstool. The Gemara raises a difficulty: And is that so? But didn’t Rabbi Ela the Elder say: If a person sees that his inclination is overcoming him, he should go to a place where he is unknown, and wear black, and wrap himself in black, in the manner of mourners, because he should be ashamed of his weakness, and do there what his heart desires, but let him not desecrate the Name of Heaven in public. This shows that sinning in private is sometimes preferable to the public performance of a transgression. The Gemara answers: This is not difficult. This case, where one who commits a transgression in public has no concern for the honor of his Maker, occurs when one is capable of overcoming his inclination and fails to do so. That case, where it is preferable to sin in private, occurs when one is incapable of overcoming his inclination. He is therefore advised to, at the very least, refrain from desecrating God’s name in public.

הַוִּדּוּי שֶׁנָּהֲגוּ בּוֹ כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲבָל אֲנַחְנוּ חָטָאנוּ (כֻּלָּנוּ) וְהוּא עִקַּר הַוִּדּוּי. עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁהִתְוַדָּה עֲלֵיהֶם בְּיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים זֶה חוֹזֵר וּמִתְוַדֶּה עֲלֵיהֶן בְּיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים אַחֵר אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא עוֹמֵד בִּתְשׁוּבָתוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהילים נא ה) "כִּי פְשָׁעַי אֲנִי אֵדָע וְחַטָּאתִי נֶגְדִּי תָמִיד":

וְהִנֵּה הַחוֹטֵא יֵבוֹשׁ מְאוֹד לַעֲבֹר עֲבֵרוֹת לִפְנֵי בְּנֵי אָדָם. וְיִכָּלֵם אִם יַרְגִּישׁוּ וְיַכִּירוּ בַּעֲבֵרוֹתָיו. וְאֵיךְ לֹא יֵבוֹשׁ מִן הַבּוֹרֵא יִתְבָּרַךְ.

שֶׁכָּל זְמַן שֶׁהֵם בּוֹשִׁים מִמַּעֲשֵׂיהֶם שֶׁעָבְרוּ וְנִכְלָמִים מֵהֶן זְכוּתָם מְרֻבָּה וּמַעֲלָתָם מִתְגַּדֶּלֶת.

מֶה עָשִׂיתִי? אֵיךְ לֹא הָיָה פַּחַד אֱלֹקִים לְנֶגֶד עֵינַי, וְלֹא יָגֹרְתִּי מִתּוֹכָחוֹת עַל עָוֹן וּמִן הַשְּׁפָטִים הָרָעִים, כִּי רַבִּים מַכְאוֹבִים לָרָשָׁע? לֹא חָמַלְתִּי עַל גּוּפִי, וְלֹא חָסָה עֵינִי עָלָיו מִשַּׁחֲתוֹ מִפְּנֵי הֲנָאַת רֶגַע אֶחָד, וְנִמְשַׁלְתִּי לְאִישׁ שֶׁיִּגְזֹל וְיַחְמֹס וְיֹאכַל וְיִשְׂבַּע וְיוֹדֵעַ כִּי אַחֲרֵי אָכְלוֹ וְאַחֲרֵי שָׁתוֹ יַגְרֵס הַשּׁוֹפֵט בֶּחָצָץ שִׁנָּיו, כָּעִנְיָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי כ, יז): "עָרֵב לָאִישׁ לֶחֶם שָׁקֶר וְאַחַר יִמָּלֵא פִיהוּ חָצָץ". וְרָעָה מִזֹּאת, כִּי הָיִיתִי עַל הַנֶּפֶשׁ הַיְּקָרָה אַכְזָרִי וְנִטְמְאָה בְּגִלּוּלֵי יִצְרִי, וּמָה הוֹעִילָה בְּכָל קִנְיָנֶיהָ אִם רָעָה בְּעֵינֵי אֲדֹנֶיהָ? וְאֵיךְ הֶחֱלַפְתִּי בְּעוֹלָם חוֹלֵף, עוֹלָם עוֹמֵד לָעַד לְעוֹלָם? אֵיךְ נִמְשַׁלְתִּי כִּבְהֵמוֹת נִדְמֵיתִי

וְהָרְבִיעִי שֶׁתִּהְיֶה עֲזִיבָתוֹ הָעֲבֵרוֹת מִבָּשְׁתּוֹ מִן הַבּוֹרֵא לֹא מִיִּרְאַת בְּנֵי אָדָם וְלֹא לְתִקְוָתוֹ אוֹתָם וְלֹא לְבָשְׁתּוֹ מֵהֶם וְלֹא יִהְיֶה כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בָּהֶם (ישעיהו כ״ט:י״ג) וַתְּהִי יִרְאָתָם אֹתִי מִצְוַת אֲנָשִׁים מְלֻמָּדָה וְאָמַר (מלכים ב יב) וַיַּעַשׂ יְהוֹאָשׁ הַיָּשָׁר בְּעֵינֵי ה׳ כָּל יָמָיו אֲשֶׁר הוֹרָהוּ יְהוֹיָדָע הַכֹּהֵן.

(4) That one abandons sin out of a feeling of shame from the Creator, and not out of fear of human beings or because one hopes for some benefit from them, or out of being ashamed of them. He should not be like those which the verse speaks of: "with their lips they honor Me, but their heart is far away from Me. their reverence for Me consists of tradition learned by rote"(Yeshaya 29:13), and "Yehoash did what was proper in the eyes of the L-rd all the days that Yehoyada the priest instructed him" (Melachim II 12:3, which implies after the death of Yehoyada, his teacher, he stopped doing what was proper).

אֵינוֹ דּוֹמֶה מַזִּיק חֲבֵרוֹ בְּגוּפוֹ לְמַזִּיק מָמוֹנוֹ. שֶׁהַמַּזִּיק מָמוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ כֵּיוָן שֶׁשִּׁלֵּם מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לְשַׁלֵּם נִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ. אֲבָל חָבַל בַּחֲבֵרוֹ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁנָּתַן לוֹ חֲמִשָּׁה דְּבָרִים אֵין מִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ. וַאֲפִלּוּ הִקְרִיב כָּל אֵילֵי נְבָיוֹת אֵינוֹ מִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ וְלֹא נִמְחַל עֲוֹנוֹ עַד שֶׁיְּבַקֵּשׁ מִן הַנֶּחְבָּל וְיִמְחל לוֹ:

אֲבָל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּגוֹן הַחוֹבֵל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ הַמְקַלֵּל חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ גּוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן אֵינוֹ נִמְחַל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ וִירַצֵּהוּ.

את כל אוכל. אין פי' כל כי הי' מתים ברעב, וכן וכל הארץ באו (בראשית מא נז) רק טעמו שקבץ כל אשר יכול:

וז"ש בפ' התורה ונעשה כמעין המתגבר והולך. ויש מקום לפרשו גם ע"ז הענין הנ"ל. שכמו המעין הנובע אף שלפעמים נרפש ונשחת בהרבה רפש וטיט. עכ"ז הוא נובע ובוקע ומתגבר והולך מעט מעט. עד שברבות הימים יתגבר ויתגלה לגמרי ויתפשט כמאז. כן העוסק בתורה אף אם נתלכלך תחלה בעוונו' וחטאים עצומים ונטבע מאד ברפש וטיט מצולות הרע ח"ו. עכ"ז ע"י עסק התורה נכון לבו בטוח שודאי המאור שבה יחזירו למוטב. והטוב מתגבר והולך על הרע שבו מעט מעט. עד שלסוף בהכרח יתגבר הטוב ויתפשט בכולו לגמרי. והוא מתקדש מטומאתו ופרחה טהרה בכולו.

This is what is stated in Parshat Ha-Torah (Avot, chapter 6): “and he will become as a spring that overcomes and goes on its way”. And there’s room to also explain it relative to this matter mentioned above, that just as a spring gushes and splits anything in its path, even though at times it’s mired and clogged by large amounts of mud and clay, even so it gushes and unblocks its path, and overcomes and flows slowly but surely, until after many days it overcomes and is fully and completely revealed, and flows as before. So too one who is involved with Torah for its own sake, even if he is at first soiled with awesome transgressions and sins, and is very mired in the depths of the mud and clay (may the Merciful save us), even so, via involvement with the Torah, his heart/ mind will be surely set aright, for the lamp within it will certainly return him to good condition, and the good will overcome the evil within him little by little, until finally, without a doubt, the good will overcome and flow in every part of him completely, and he will be sanctified from his spiritual impurity, and spiritual purity will flower in every part of him.

אַבְרָהָם, הוּא אַבְרָהָם הָאָהוּב לְקוֹנוֹ עַד שֶׁהַכָּתוּב אָמַר עָלָיו (ישעיה מא): אַבְרָהָם אוֹהֲבִי, לֹא פָּלַט מִן הַדִּין מִפְּנֵי דְּבָרִים קַלִּים שֶׁלֹּא דִּקְדֵּק בָּהֶם. עַל שֶׁאָמַר בַּמָּה אֵדַע, אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, חַיֶּיךָ, יָדֹעַ תֵּדַע כִּי גֵר יִהְיֶה זַרְעֲךָ (פר"א מח). עַל שֶׁכָּרַת בְּרִית עִם אֲבִימֶלֶךְ בְּלֹא צִוּוּיוֹ שֶׁל מָקוֹם, (ב"ר נד) אָמַר לוֹ הקב"ה חַיֶּיךָ שֶׁאֲנִי מַשְׁהֶא בְּשִׂמְחַת בָּנֶיךָ שִׁבְעָה דּוֹרוֹת (שם פט). יַעֲקֹב, עַל שֶׁחָרָה אַפּוֹ בְּרָחֵל שֶׁאָמְרָה לוֹ הָבָה לִי בָּנִים, אָמְרוּ בַּמִּדְרָשׁ, זֶה לְשׁוֹנוֹ: אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, כָּךְ עוֹנִים אֶת הַמְּעוּקוֹת? חַיֶּיךָ, שֶׁבָּנֶיךָ עוֹמְדִים לִפְנֵי בְּנָהּ (שם עא). וּלְפִי שֶׁנָּתַן אֶת דִּינָהּ בְּתֵבָה כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִקָּחֶהָ עֵשָׂו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁכַּוָּנָתוֹ הָיְתָה וַדַּאי לְטוֹבָה, אַךְ לְפִי שֶׁמָּנַע חֶסֶד מֵאָחִיו, אָמְרוּ בַּמִּדְרָשׁ (שם ע"ו): אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, לַמָּס מֵרֵעֵהוּ חָסֶד (איוב ו), לֹא בִּקַּשְׁתָּ לְהַשִּׂיאָהּ לְמָהוּל הֲרֵי הִיא נִשֵּׂאת לְעָרֵל, לֹא בִּקַּשְׁתָּ לְהַשִּׂיאָהּ דֶּרֶךְ הֶתֵּר הֲרֵי הִיא נִשֵּׂאת דֶּרֶךְ אִסּוּר. יוֹסֵף, לְפִי שֶׁאָמַר לְשַׂר הַמַּשְׁקִים כִּי אִם זְכַרְתַּנִי אִתְּךָ, נִתּוֹסְפוּ לוֹ שְׁתֵּי שָׁנִים, כְּמַאֲמָרָם זִכְרוֹנָם לִבְרָכָה (שם פ"ט). יוֹסֵף עַצְמוֹ עַל שֶׁחָנַט אֶת אָבִיו בְּלִי רְשׁוּתוֹ שֶׁל מָקוֹם, אוֹ לְפִי שֶׁשָּׁמַע עַבְדְּךָ אָבִינוּ וְשָׁתַק, לְמָר כִּדְאִית לֵהּ וּלְמָר כִּדְאִית לֵהּ, מֵת לִפְנֵי אֶחָיו (שם ק).

Avraham, who was so beloved to his Maker such that scripture testifies of him "Avraham, My beloved" (Isaiah 41:8). Even so, he did not escape from judgment for slight words which he was not meticulous in, namely, for merely saying "with what will I know?" (Gen. 15:8), G-d replied to him: "by your life, you will know that your descendants will be foreigners [in Egypt]" (Nedarim 32a). And similarly for forging a covenant with Abimelech without being commanded by G-d, the Holy One blessed be He, replied to him: "by your life, I will delay the rejoicing of your sons for seven generations" (Gen. Raba 54:5). Yaakov, for replying angrily to Rachel when she said to him "give me children", the Midrash reports (Genesis Raba 71:10): "the Holy One blessed be He, said to him: 'is this how one answers a distressed person? By your life, your sons will stand before her son'. And for hiding his daughter Dina in a box so that his brother Esav would not take her as a wife, even though his intent was certainly good, but nevertheless for merely withholding kindness from his brother the Midrash reports: "the Holy One blessed be He said to him: 'He who withholds kindness from his fellow.' (Job 6:14). You did not seek to marry her to a circumcised? Behold she will be married to an uncircumcised. You did not seek to marry her in a permitted way? She will be married in a forbidden way". Yosef, for saying to the officer of [Pharaoh's] drink: "But remember me when it is well with you [and please show kindness to me, and make mention of me to Pharaoh.]" (Gen 40:14), his sentence [in prison] was increased by 2 years as the Midrash reports (Genesis Raba 89b). And Yosef himself for embalming his father without G-d's permission, according to one view, or because he heard the words: "your servant, our father [Yaakov]" (Gen.43:28) and remained silent, according to another view, died before all of his brothers (Gen. Raba 100:4).

וְהִנֵּה, כָּל מַה שֶּׁיַּאֲרִיךְ בְּעִנְיָינִים אֵלּוּ בְּמַחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ וְגַם בְּעִיּוּנוֹ בִּסְפָרִים, לִהְיוֹת לִבּוֹ נִשְׁבָּר בְּקִרְבּוֹ, וְ״נִבְזֶה בְעֵינָיו נִמְאָס״ כַּכָּתוּב, בְּתַכְלִית הַמִּיאוּס, וּלְמָאֵס חַיָּיו מַמָּשׁ, הֲרֵי בָּזֶה מְמָאֵס וּמְבַזֶּה הַסִּטְרָא אָחֳרָא וּמַשְׁפִּילָהּ לֶעָפָר, וּמוֹרִידָהּ מִגְּדוּלָּתָהּ וְגַסּוּת רוּחָהּ וְגַבְהוּתָהּ, שֶׁמַּגְבִּיהַּ אֶת עַצְמָהּ עַל אוֹר קְדוּשַּׁת נֶפֶשׁ הָאֱלֹהִית לְהַחֲשִׁיךְ אוֹרָהּ. וְגַם, יַרְעִים עָלֶיהָ בְּקוֹל רַעַשׁ וְרוֹגֶז לְהַשְׁפִּילָהּ, כְּמַאֲמַר רַבּוֹתֵינוּ־זִכְרוֹנָם־לִבְרָכָה: ״לְעוֹלָם יַרְגִּיז אָדָם יֵצֶר טוֹב עַל יֵצֶר הָרָע, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: רִגְזוּ וְגוֹ׳״, דְּהַיְינוּ, לִרְגּוֹז עַל נֶפֶשׁ הַבַּהֲמִית, שֶׁהִיא יִצְרוֹ הָרָע, בְּקוֹל רַעַשׁ וְרוֹגֶז בְּמַחֲשַׁבְתּוֹ, לוֹמַר לוֹ: ״אַתָּה רָע וְרָשָׁע וּמְשׁוּקָּץ וּמְתוֹעָב וּמְנֻוָּול וְכוּ׳ – כְּכָל הַשֵּׁמוֹת שֶׁקָּרְאוּ לוֹ חֲכָמֵינוּ־זִכְרוֹנָם־לִבְרָכָה – בֶּאֱמֶת; עַד מָתַי תַּסְתִּיר לִפְנֵי אוֹר־אֵין־סוֹף בָּרוּךְ־הוּא, הַמְמַלֵּא כָּל עָלְמִין, הָיָה הֹוֶה וְיִהְיֶה בְּשָׁוֶה, גַּם בְּמָקוֹם זֶה שֶׁאֲנִי עָלָיו, כְּמוֹ שֶׁהָיָה אוֹר אֵין־סוֹף בָּרוּךְ־הוּא לְבַדּוֹ קוֹדֶם שֶׁנִּבְרָא הָעוֹלָם, בְּלִי שׁוּם שִׁינּוּי, כְּמוֹ שֶׁכָּתוּב: ״אֲנִי ה׳ לֹא שָׁנִיתִי״, כִּי הוּא לְמַעְלָה מֵהַזְּמַן וְכוּ׳, וְאַתָּה מְנֻוָּול וְכוּ׳, מַכְחִישׁ הָאֱמֶת הַנִּרְאֶה לָעֵינַיִם, דְּכוּלָּא קַמֵּיהּ כְּלָא מַמָּשׁ בֶּאֱמֶת, בִּבְחִינַת רְאִיָּיה חוּשִׁיִּית״.

The longer he will reflect on these matters in his thoughts, delving deeply also into books, in order to break down his heart within him and render himself shamed and despised in his own eyes, as is written in the Scriptures, so utterly despised that he despises his very life—the more he despises and degrades thereby the sitra achara, casting it down to the ground and humbling it from its haughtiness and pride and self-exaltation, wherewith it exalts itself over the light of the holiness of the divine soul, obscuring its effulgence. He must also thunder against it with a strong and raging voice in order to humble it, as the Rabbis state, “A person should always rouse the good impulse against the evil impulse, as it is written, ‘Rage, and do not sin.’” That is to say, one must rage against the animal soul, which is his evil impulse, with stormy indignation in his mind, saying to it: “You are truly evil and wicked, abominable, loathsome, and disgraceful,” and likewise with all the epithets by which our Sages, of blessed memory, have called it, “How long will you conceal the light of the En Sof, blessed is He, which pervades all the worlds; which was, is, and will be the same, including also this place where I stand, just as the light of the En Sof, blessed is He, was alone before the world was created, without any change, as is written, ‘For I, the L–rd, have not changed,’ for He transcends time, and so forth? But you, who are repulsive, and so forth, deny the truth, which is plain to see, by physical sight, that everything in His presence is truly like nothing at all.”

וְכֵן צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לִמְצֹא גַּם בְּעַצְמוֹ. כִּי זֶה יָדוּעַ, שֶׁצָּרִיךְ הָאָדָם לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד לִהְיוֹת בְּשִׂמְחָה תָּמִיד, וּלְהַרְחִיק הָעַצְבוּת מְאֹד מְאֹד (כַּמְבֹאָר אֶצְלֵנוּ כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים), וַאֲפִלּוּ כְּשֶׁמַּתְחִיל לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּעַצְמוֹ וְרוֹאֶה שֶׁאֵין בּוֹ שׁוּם טוֹב, וְהוּא מָלֵא חֲטָאִים, וְרוֹצֶה הַבַּעַל דָּבָר לְהַפִּילוֹ עַל יְדֵי זֶה בְּעַצְבוּת וּמָרָה שְׁחוֹרָה, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, אַף־עַל־פִּי־כֵן אָסוּר לוֹ לִפֹּל מִזֶּה, רַק צָרִיךְ לְחַפֵּשׂ וְלִמְצֹא בְּעַצְמוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כִּי אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלֹּא עָשָׂה מִיָּמָיו אֵיזֶה מִצְוָה אוֹ דָּבָר טוֹב, וְאַף שֶׁכְּשֶׁמַּתְחִיל לְהִסְתַּכֵּל בְּאוֹתוֹ הַדָּבָר הַטּוֹב, הוּא רוֹאֶה שֶׁהוּא גַּם כֵּן מָלֵא פְּצָעִים וְאֵין בּוֹ מְתֹם, הַיְנוּ שֶׁרוֹאֶה שֶׁגַּם הַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה שֶׁזָּכָה לַעֲשׂוֹת, הוּא גַּם כֵּן מָלֵא פְּנִיּוֹת וּמַחֲשָׁבוֹת זָרוֹת וּפְגָמִים הַרְבֵּה, עִם כָּל זֶה אֵיךְ אֶפְשָׁר שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה בְּאוֹתָהּ הַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר שֶׁבִּקְדֻשָּׁה אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כִּי עַל כָּל פָּנִים אֵיךְ שֶׁהוּא, עַל־כָּל־פָּנִים הָיָה אֵיזֶה נְקֻדָּה טוֹבָה בְּהַמִּצְוָה וְהַדָּבָר טוֹב שֶׁעָשָׂה, כִּי צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ לִמְצֹא בְּעַצְמוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כְּדֵי לְהַחֲיוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ, וְלָבוֹא לִידֵי שִׂמְחָה כַּנַּ"ל, וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה שֶׁמְּחַפֵּשׂ וּמוֹצֵא בְּעַצְמוֹ עֲדַיִן מְעַט טוֹב, עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה הוּא יוֹצֵא בֶּאֱמֶת מִכַּף חוֹבָה לְכַף זְכוּת, וְיוּכַל לָשׁוּב בִּתְשׁוּבָה, בִּבְחִינוֹת: וְעוֹד מְעַט וְאֵין רָשָׁע וְהִתְבּוֹנַנְתָּ עַל מְקוֹמוֹ וְאֵינֶנּוּ, כַּנַּ"ל.

2. Likewise, a person must find [some good point] within himself. It is known that a person must take care to be happy always and to keep very far away from depression {as has been explained in our works a number of times}. It may be that when he begins examining himself, he sees that he possesses no good whatsoever and is filled with sin, and that as a result the Evil One wants to push him into depression and sadness, God forbid. Even so, it is forbidden to fall on account of this. Rather, he must search until he finds in himself some little bit of good. For how is it possible that throughout his life he never once did some mitzvah or good deed? And even if when he begins examining this good thing he sees that it, too, is filled with flaws and contains no purity—i.e., he sees that the mitzvah or holy deed that he merited doing is itself comprised of impure motives, external thoughts and numerous faults—nevertheless, how is it possible that this mitzvah or holy deed contains not even a little bit of good? For in any case, despite this there must have been some good point in the mitzvah or good deed that he did. Thus, a person has to search and seek to find in himself some little bit of good in order to revive himself and to attain joy, as explained above. By searching until he finds a remaining little bit of good in himself, he genuinely moves from the scale of guilt to the scale of merit and can return [to God] in repentance. This, in the aspect of “In yet a little bit the wicked man is not; you will reflect upon his place and he will not be there,” as explained above.