Arakhin 16b
ערכין ט״ז ב — ד"ה תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן
Arakhin 16b:4
The Sages derive from Leviticus 19:17 that one who sees an unseemly matter in another is obligated to rebuke him, that the rebuke must be repeated if not accepted (indicated by the doubled language "hokhe'aḥ tokhiaḥ"), but that the one rebuking may not continue if it causes humiliation, as the verse teaches "do not bear sin because of him"; Rabbi Tarfon and Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria both express difficulty that anyone in their generation accepts or knows how to give rebuke, since the rebuked person deflects by accusing the rebuker of greater faults.
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: ״לֹא תִשְׂנָא אֶת אָחִיךָ בִּלְבָבֶךָ״ — יָכוֹל לֹא יַכֶּנּוּ, לֹא יִסְטְרֶנּוּ, וְלֹא יְקַלְּלֶנּוּ? תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר: ״בִּלְבָבֶךָ״ — שִׂנְאָה שֶׁבַּלֵּב הַכָּתוּב מְדַבֵּר. מִנַּיִן לָרוֹאֶה בַּחֲבֵירוֹ דָּבָר מְגוּנֶּה שֶׁחַיָּיב לְהוֹכִיחוֹ? שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ״. הוֹכִיחוֹ וְלֹא קִבֵּל, מִנַּיִן שֶׁיַּחֲזוֹר וְיוֹכִיחֶנּוּ? תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר: ״תּוֹכִיחַ״, מִכׇּל מָקוֹם. יָכוֹל אֲפִילּוּ מִשְׁתַּנִּים פָּנָיו? תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר: ״לֹא תִשָּׂא עָלָיו חֵטְא״. תַּנְיָא, אָמַר רַבִּי טַרְפוֹן: תְּמֵיהַנִי אֲנִי אִם יֵשׁ בַּדּוֹר הַזֶּה שֶׁמְּקַבֵּל תּוֹכֵחָה, אֲפִילּוּ אָמַר לוֹ ״טוֹל קֵיסָם מִבֵּין עֵינֶיךָ״, אוֹמֵר לוֹ ״טוֹל קוֹרָה מִבֵּין עֵינֶיךָ״. אָמַר רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲזַרְיָה: תְּמֵיהַנִי אִם יֵשׁ בְּדוֹר הַזֶּה שֶׁיּוֹדֵעַ לְהוֹכִיחַ.
§ The Sages taught in a baraita: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall rebuke [hokhe’aḥ tokhiaḥ] your neighbor, and do not bear sin because of him” (Leviticus 19:17). Why does the verse specify “in your heart”? One might have thought that the verse means: Do not hit him, do not slap him, and do not ruin him due to hatred. Therefore the verse states “in your heart.” This teaches that the verse speaks of hatred in the heart. From where is it derived with regard to one who sees an unseemly matter in another that he is obligated to rebuke him? As it is stated: “You shall rebuke [hokhe’aḥ tokhiaḥ] your neighbor.” If one rebuked him for his action but he did not accept the rebuke, from where is it derived that he must rebuke him again? The verse states: “You shall rebuke [hokhe’aḥ tokhiaḥ],” and the double language indicates he must rebuke in any case. One might have thought that one should continue rebuking him even if his face changes due to humiliation. Therefore, the verse states: “Do not bear sin because of him”; the one giving rebuke may not sin by embarrassing the other person. It is taught in a baraita that Rabbi Tarfon says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who can receive rebuke. Why? Because if the one rebuking says to him: Remove the splinter from between your eyes, i.e., rid yourself of a minor infraction, the other says to him: Remove the beam from between your eyes, i.e., you have committed far more severe sins. Rabbi Elazar ben Azaria says: I would be surprised if there is anyone in this generation who knows how to rebuke correctly, without embarrassing the person he is rebuking.