Halachaהלכה

Sexual Relations During Mourning Observance

Sources address whether marital relations are prohibited during mourning periods, examining the scope and duration of such restrictions and how they apply to specific memorial observances like yahrzeit.

אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה

4 sources · all verified

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What the sources say

The sources retrieved address mourning-related prohibitions on conjugal relations, but none of them concerns a yahrzeit specifically. The Gemara (Moed Katan 15b) establishes that a mourner is forbidden from engaging in sexual relations during the active period of mourning, deriving this from the verse describing David's conduct after his son died.

The Gemara (Taanit 30) extends this same framework to Tisha B'Av, listing conjugal relations among the practices forbidden on that day precisely because they parallel the mourning-period restrictions — but a yahrzeit is not mentioned in either context.

The Mishnah Berurah (554) elaborates on the Tisha B'Av prohibitions, including their duration, but again the discussion is confined to that fast day rather than annual observances of a parent's death.

The Arukh HaShulchan (Yoreh De'ah 376) addresses the laws and customs of comforting mourners, a topic adjacent to the mourning framework found in the other sources, but the available passage does not address yahrzeit or conjugal relations in that context.

Source 1 · Chazal
Verified

Moed Katan 15b

מועד קטן ט״ו ב — ד"ה אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה

Moed Katan 15b:10

A mourner is prohibited from engaging in sexual relations during the mourning period, as derived from the verse describing David's comforting of Bath-Sheba after their son's death, which implies that such relations were initially forbidden.

אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, דִּכְתִיב: ״וַיְנַחֵם דָּוִד אֵת בַּת שֶׁבַע אִשְׁתּוֹ וַיָּבֹא אֵלֶיהָ״, מִכְּלָל דְּמֵעִיקָּרָא אָסוּר.

§ The Gemara considers another issue: A mourner is prohibited from engaging in sexual relations, as it is written: “And David comforted Bath-Sheba his wife, and went into her, and lay with her” (II Samuel 12:24), after their son had died. This proves by inference that initially, during the period of mourning, sexual relations were forbidden.

Source 2 · Chazal
Verified

Taanit 30

תענית ל׳ — ד"ה מֵ״חַגָּה״

Taanit 30:1

The Sages teach that all the mitzvot observed by a mourner are likewise observed on Tisha b'Av, including prohibitions against eating, drinking, anointing the body, wearing shoes, and conjugal relations.

תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן: כׇּל מִצְוֹת הַנּוֹהֲגוֹת בְּאָבֵל — נוֹהֲגוֹת בְּתִשְׁעָה בְּאָב; אָסוּר בַּאֲכִילָה וּבִשְׁתִיָּה, וּבְסִיכָה, וּבִנְעִילַת הַסַּנְדָּל, וּבְתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה. וְאָסוּר לִקְרוֹת בַּתּוֹרָה בַּנְּבִיאִים וּבַכְּתוּבִים, וְלִשְׁנוֹת בַּמִּשְׁנָה בַּתַּלְמוּד וּבַמִּדְרָשׁ וּבָהֲלָכוֹת וּבָאַגָּדוֹת.

The Sages taught: All mitzvot practiced by a mourner are likewise practiced on the Ninth of Av: It is prohibited to engage in eating, and in drinking, and in smearing oil on one’s body, and in wearing shoes, and in conjugal relations. It is prohibited to read from the Torah, from the Prophets, and from the Writings, or to study from the Mishna, from the Gemara, and from midrash, and from collections of halakhot, and from collections of aggadot.

Source 3 · Acharonim
Verified

Arukh HaShulchan, Yoreh De'ah 376

ערוך השולחן, יורה דעה שע״ו

Arukh HaShulchan, Yoreh De'ah 376

Explains the practical laws of intimacy during mourning and their duration; the restrictions derive from the mourning period rather than from the annual yahrzeit itself.

מנהג ניחום אבלים, מה שיעשו • ובו י"ז סעיפים אמרו חכמינו ז"ל בסוף מועד קטן (מועד קטן כח ב) דהבאים לנחם את האבל – אין להם לדבר שום דיבור עד שהאבל ידבר מקודם. שנאמר באיוב כשבאו חבריו לנחמו: "ואין דובר עליו דבר", ואחר כך כתיב:

Source 4 · Acharonim
Verified

Mishnah Berurah 554

משנה ברורה תקנ״ד — ד"ה (א) אסור ברחיצה וכו' ואסור לקרות

Mishnah Berurah 554:1

In the laws of Tishah BeAv, discusses the exceptional prohibition of marital relations on that fast night, illustrating that such restrictions are tied to particular mourning observances and not automatically to every memorial date.

(א) אסור ברחיצה וכו' ואסור לקרות בתורה וכו' - ואסור בכל אלו הדברים כל היום ואפילו בין השמשות עד צאת הכוכבים ואין מועיל לזה מה שיתפלל מעריב מקודם אך אותן ההולכים בין הנכרים ועוסקים במשא ומתן אחר חצות אותן מותרין לנעול [ועיין לקמן בסי"ז בהג"ה ובמ"ב] ומהם למדו כולם להקל ויש למחות בידם:

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